A Simple Guide to Anger Management
How do you express anger?
Do you turn aggressive? If yes, then it is time you realized the negative effectthat anger is having on your life. If you let anger determine your reactions to situations, then you’re letting it drive your life.
Most of us tend to overreact to trivial stuff. Whenever things don’t seem to be going our way, our first instinctive response is anger. What makes it even sadder is that often, the issue is really, really trivial and we blow it out of proportion by our angry reaction. You may also read 3 simple techniques to control your anger.
What anger does to you
A study recently stated that angry peo ple stand the chance of decreasing their life span by as much as ten years if they let their reactions be guided by chronic anger. If that isn’t enough to scare you then consider this - not only does anger cause mental stress, but also causes physical problems like high blood pressure, low blood sugar and migraines. An angry person tends to overindulge – either in food, alcohol or nicotine – further complicating the plethora of health problems he is already accumulating. Is anger really worth all this?
Defining an anger problem
Varying in intensity, anger is an emotional state and none can deny the fact that there are situations when a person feels this emotion. But the way anger is expressed varies from person to person.
There are some who don’t express their anger and face the inner turmoil, while others prefer lashing out in an aggressive and uncontrolled way. If you’re one of the latter types, then you need to control your anger. To do so, you need to first master your mood. It’s not as simple as it sounds. That’s why we have our Xpert tips to guide you on the basics of anger management. (You may get further insight into this by reading theMental Health channel.)
Relax
The first thing you need to do when you feel a wave of anger coming on is to relax! Simple relaxation techniques like deep breathing and meditation can help you reign in your anger. Try the following exercises and feel the difference in how you perceive things that till now had been major irritants:
Breathe deeply. If you know how to, do a pranayama breathing exercise. Not only will this relax you, but it will also give you time to distance yourself from the situation and think clearly.
Slowly and quietly, repeat a phrase like “Relax” or “It’s ok” to yourself while breathing deeply.
When you feel irritated and angry at a situation that is out of your control, the best way to deal with it is to think of some peaceful and relaxing imagery. Picture your favorite vacation spot, or picture a large, calm lake surrounded by trees. The soothing effects of this visual imagery will drain away the negative emotions. You may even consider music therapy for relaxation of your mind.
Logic Helps
Logic is the one thing that can strike at the root of all anger and curb its destructive growth. All chronic anger is irrational. A person, when angry, will usually use swear words, generalize things and his thinking can get highly exaggerated. Haven’t you, when you’ve been angry, made rash statements like “This always happens to me!” or even worse, “This is terrible. Everything’s ruined now!”? Using logic to defeat anger calls for a change in the way you think. Instead of making irrational and rash statements, even in your own mind, it is better to think the situation through and say to yourself, “I know this is terrible. But there’s nothing that can’t be fixed. What can I do to fix it?” This will not only distract you from the reason of your anger and have you working towards a solution, but it will also make you calmer and more accepting of the fact that disaster has struck.
Slow Down and Listen
Often, in the midst of a heated argument, we get sorely tempted to fly off the handle and give in to destructive rage.
At times it is better to just listen to what the other person is saying rather than butting in with heated responses. When you do respond to accusations, think your responses through. If the accusations are justified, offer an apology. If they’re not, reason it out calmly instead of raging against the person. Try to understand the underlying reasons behind criticism. If your significant other complains that you aren’t spending enough time with her, don’t react with anger. Instead, try to think it through and understand that she might be hurt because of your neglect. Then, in an apologetic tone, try explaining that you’ve been busy at the office and that this won’t last too long and request her to have patience for a few more days. Easy, ain’t it?
Laugh At It
Laugh at yourself!
This is the one mantra that has the power to defuse any situation – no matter how exacerbated it is. Sounds vague? Let me try to explain with an example. Let’s say you’re angry with your boss. He has been making irrational demands on you and upbraiding you for not getting the work done on time. Of course you’ll feel angry. Instead of letting that anger grow, label your boss as a “single-cell life form” or a “mosquito’s antenna” in your own mind. Then picture him at his desk, looking like the life form you’ve just described. Doesn’t it bring a smile to your lips? Concentrate on that pleasant feeling and laugh at yourself for coming up with such an imaginative name. Silly humor is an effective way to distract yourself from your anger. But, remember, silly humor doesn’t equate to sarcastic humor. Nor should it be a way of laughing your problems off.
Rather, it should be used to face your problems in a constructive manner, without the shield of anger blinding you to logic. Include laughter as a daily part of your lifestyle. A person who finds the humor in small, daily situations has less stress levels and is less prone to chronic and irrational anger. Laugh, and the world will laugh with you!
Support System
If you’re angry about a situation, don’t bottle it all in.
Talk to a trusted friend or your spouse or even a parent and use their perspective to make sense of the issue at hand. Think over what they say in response. Take their opinion on how you should respond. And most of all, use their affection for you as a foundation for getting things in perspective. You have the capacity to make a person care for you. You can also develop the capacity to face any situation logically with their help. 6. Forgive and forget Clichéd, I know. But it’s the best way of getting rid of all the negative emotions we store inside us. Forgiving and letting go of the wrongs done to you in the past will not only help you manage your anger at new situations better, but will also make you a more calm and mature person. When you forgive someone, you not only feel better about the situation, but also better about yourself!
Change Your Environment
Sometimes, certain things in our environment set our tempers off whenever we come across them.
Responsibilities weigh us down and we feel angry at falling into the trappings of an office life or a married life or even a life at all! In such situations, it’s best to keep aside some personal time for yourself. A friend of mine who is married and has two children and has a high-pressure job often feels frustrated and angry at the way he’s planned his life. Lately, after reading a few self-help books, he’s changed fifteen minutes of his daily routine. On his way back from the office, he stops over at a park and just sits there on a bench for fifteen minutes. He claims that this prepares him for meeting the demands at home after dealing with the demands at the office all day. I asked him whether he meditates in those fifteen minutes. He replied in the negative and said that all he has to do is sit there, look at the grass and recount the ways in which his wife and his children are special to him. It never fails to cheer him up!
Try finding alternatives to the factors that spark off your temper. If you feel frustrated at getting stuck in traffic, map out an alternative route to and fro from work. If you feel angry at a co-worker’s poorly written report, push the report to the edge of your desk and concentrate on something else for the time being. Read the report after your lunch break. You may further learn to deal with your anxiety and help eliminate everyday stress.
While the above tips you can regain control over your life and stop anger from directing the way you interact with other people. Getting rid of cynicism, aggression and anger is an uphill task – but once you start off, there’s nothing that can pull you down. If, however, you feel that your anger has become a chronic problem and in spite of trying the above tips you haven’t been able to get a control over it, then it is time to seek the help of a professional counselor. (MensXP.com)
Also read : Eliminate Everyday Stress, Brain Exercises
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