HELP SUICIDAL TEENS
An unsuccessful love affair or an abusive relationship can hamper a teen’s self-confidence to such an extent that he/she may feel that ending life is the only way out. Here’s how you can understand those symptoms and offer help
SEEMA HINGORRANY
Suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-to 24-year-olds. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), reliable scientific research has found that there are as many as eight to 25 attempted suicides to one completed suicide. The strongest risk factors for attempted suicide in youth are depression, substance abuse and aggressive or disruptive behaviours. The WHO estimates that one million people die in the world each year by suicide.
What causes teens to attempt suicide?
Adolescence is a stressful developmental period filled with major changes — body changes, changes in thoughts and feelings. Strong feelings of stress, confusion, fear and uncertainty, as well as pressure to succeed and the ability to think about things in new ways influence a teenager’s problem-solving and decision-making abilities.
Some children who take their own lives are anxious, insecure kids who have a desperate desire to be liked, to fit in, to do well. Their expectations are so high that they demand too much of themselves, and so are constantly disappointed with themselves. Even a traumatic event can make them severely depressed. Most suicides are caused by a combination of events that lead a person to believe that ending life is the only way out. A failed love affair or an abusive relationship can hamper self-esteem and self-confidence to such an extent that teens take such an impulsive step.
Depressed teens who take their own lives do so because they are enduring unbearable psychological pain and perceive that there are no more options available to them.
Look closely for these signs:
You feel his/her personality has changed dramatically
He/she always seems bored and has trouble concentrating
He/she is having trouble getting along with other friends or with parents.
He has withdrawn from people he used to feel close to
The quality of his/her schoolwork has gone down.
Has he failed to live up to his own or someone else’s expectations?
Is acting like a rebel in an unexplained way
Has started to write notes or poems about death
He/she may be complaining of headaches, stomach aches, etc, that may or may not be real
Unusual neglect of personal appearance
Indicates plans to commit suicide
Verbalises, “I want to kill myself,” or “I’m going to commit suicide”
Gives verbal hints such as “I won’t be a problem much longer” or “If anything happens to me, I want you to know...”
Gives away favourite possessions
Becomes suddenly cheerful after a period of depression
May express bizarre thoughts
Writes one or more suicide notes
Helping your teen
Get your teen to talk to you. Starting a conversation can be daunting, but you can say: “You seem really down. I want to help you. Is there anything I can do?”
Remember your child doesn’t expect you to have answers. Your child probably just needs someone to listen to. By listening and responding in a non-judgmental manner, you are helping in a major way. .
Take your teen’s words seriously: If your child is joking or talking about suicide, giving possessions away, or saying goodbye, your only responsibility at this point is to get your child help, and get it fast.
Stay calm and composed
Do not leave him alone
Do not act shocked or judgmental.
Some tips for parents
Give the message to your child that failure is an important part of life. Most importantly, recovering from and moving past your failures are a part of being successful.
Recognise your child’s limitations and understand that your child cannot be perfect; in fact, no one is. Also, do not set very stiff and unachievable targets for them. Have reasonable expectations from them and help them set achievable goals.
When your child is discouraged and says, “I’m really good for nothing” — let him express his feelings but help him to see himself in a better light. Point out past achievements. Remind him of his special skills. Psychologists and therapists can provide emotional support and can help teens build their own coping skills for dealing with problems.
(The writer is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist )
Monday, December 15, 2008
A-Z of CUTTING COSTS
A-Z of CUTTING COSTS
Bollywood actors, big companies, luxury hotels, BPOs, bankers, socialites, husbands, wives and lovers... all are tightening belts to battle the economic squeeze, finds out The Times Of India
Neelam Raaj & Insiya Amir TNN
A ir travel... don’t bother to fasten those seat belts. Flying has become too much of a luxury even for the well-heeled. For the rest, it’s good old Laloo rail. Before complaining about those stinking toilets, remind yourself you’re saving on astronomical airfares. Corporate honchos aren’t on this track just yet but they’ve been forced to downgrade from the luxuries of business class to humble economy. Just last month, a leading Indian bank asked its entire investment banking division to stop travelling business class. Babus, too, have to look for the cheapest flight deals after the Centre’s warning that leave travel allowance (LTA) isn’t a ticket to splurge.
B ollywood’s shouting ‘cut, cut, cut.’ The stars have cut fees and producers their budgets. Actor Sanjay Dutt, who was charging Rs 15 crore, is back to a more affordable Rs 4-5 crore. Sanjay Dutt Productions CEO Dharam Oberoi explained that the actor thought it would be “unfair to hike his prices at a time when the industry is struggling with recession”. John Abraham has reportedly cut his fee by 60% for his next film and director Pooja Bhatt has been asked by T-Series to trim the budget of her new film Kajra Re.
C ar drop has become drop car as some I-T companies in Hyderabad and Bangalore introduce buses to ferry workers around. Senior executives can’t hire luxury taxis and have to make do with Indicas.
D ivorce? Nah, it’s not worth it if your spouse doesn’t have any assets left to split. So discord or not, most couples are opting to stick it out, say marriage counsellors.
E xpats are getting the heave-ho. In lean times, most companies are baulking at the thought of huge wage payouts. Jet Airways has already let go many foreign pilots. MNCs such as Procter & Gamble and Marriot have also decided to cut down on expat assignments. “An expat costs three to five times more than a local,” says a senior official of an MNC.
F ood bills have shrunk as people share appetizers and skip dessert. The good news is that happy hours at bars have been extended.
G uest entertainment is out and company guesthouses are in. Don’t even think of wining and dining those clients and leaving the company to pick up the tab. Kiss goodbye to five-star hotels as companies set up guesthouses of their own.
H otel freebies have got the axe. So be prepared for no welcome drink, complimentary slippers, or mint on the pillow. Even the quality of toiletries is going to suffer.
I n-house entertainment budgets, which ranged between Rs 50 lakh and Rs 5 crore, have nose-dived, so family days and picnics are out. Serious times are here, especially for fun officers as many I-T companies have either retrenched or redeployed these interestingly titled members of staff.
J unk the snacks. Chai-nashta is now just chai as the free pizzas and sandwiches have disappeared at most BPOs. In a lighter vein, it’s good not just for the pocket but for waistlines.
K ids may have to wait. Worried about whether they will be able to provide for their children, some couples in the US have put off plans to start a family. Economists consider baby booms or busts a reliable indicator of a nation’s fortunes.
L unch boxes are enjoying an unlikely renaissance as the cash crunch bites. In the good times, packed lunches had become passe for executives, who found it easier to grab a bite near the office. But now, it’s tiffin time again. Good news for the dabbawalas!
M arriages are considered recession-proof in India but many couples are altering their route to the altar. Guest lists have been pruned and seven-course buffets are no longer the order of the day. Financial lows mean no high spirits as mocktails replace cocktails.
N o wasting power. Firms have announced curbs on air-conditioning and lights. That should make the green lobby happy.
O ff-site meetings are out. Deutsche Bank and Credit Suisse recently asked bankers to forgo meetings at swanky hotels and gather warmly around the office instead. That’s bargain bonding.
P arty’s over. What can be a bigger sign of hard times than parties being cancelled? Here, New Year and Christmas bashes are going to be low-key. And in Silicon Valley, even Internet giant Google Inc, known for throwing the most extravagant holiday season parties complete with sushi buffets and burlesque dancers, has decided to scale back celebrations.
Q uantum cuts in perks and salaries. Get ready to forgo your LTA and reimbursements for petrol and cellphones.
R omance and recession certainly don't go hand in hand. Expensive dates are out with lovebirds making do with a movie at the neighbourhood multiplex or worse still, a walk in the park.
S abbaticals are the less-painful option for companies that don’t want to retrench. Infosys is one of the companies giving employees this option. Those who’ve been with it for at least two years can take a sabbatical to work with an NGO. They'll be paid 50% of their Infosys salary and the rest will come in from the NGO.
T oilet paper is doing the disappearing act from many loos. The bottomline was obviously more important than bottoms for a leading Indian pharmaceutical company, which decided to do away with toilet paper at its Mumbai office.
U -turn on hiring is what companies are doing. According to a new report by global staffing company Manpower, India Inc's hiring plans in the first quarter of 2009 will be the lowest since 2005. A quarterly poll of 3,597 Indian firms across seven sectors showed that only 19% employers have recruitment plans.
V ideo conferencing has replaced travel in leading firms. Telephone usage is also down by encouraging VoIP (voice over internet protocol) applications such as Skype.
W eeks just got shorter. A host of companies such as Force Motors, Bharat Forge and ThyssenKrupp Industries have introduced the five-day week to reduce costs.
X erox machines are vanishing from the offices as firms like GM impose restrictions on the number of colour photocopies and printouts.
Y es, boss! That’s what you have to say when you're told to work longer hours and on weekends.
Z ero... the size of your bonus this year, that’s if you still have the job. SIGNS OF GLOBAL COOLING Smaller tips for hotel staff Fewer beauty salon visits Sex workers report fewer clients Hemlines go down Restaurants offer recession menus
Bollywood actors, big companies, luxury hotels, BPOs, bankers, socialites, husbands, wives and lovers... all are tightening belts to battle the economic squeeze, finds out The Times Of India
Neelam Raaj & Insiya Amir TNN
A ir travel... don’t bother to fasten those seat belts. Flying has become too much of a luxury even for the well-heeled. For the rest, it’s good old Laloo rail. Before complaining about those stinking toilets, remind yourself you’re saving on astronomical airfares. Corporate honchos aren’t on this track just yet but they’ve been forced to downgrade from the luxuries of business class to humble economy. Just last month, a leading Indian bank asked its entire investment banking division to stop travelling business class. Babus, too, have to look for the cheapest flight deals after the Centre’s warning that leave travel allowance (LTA) isn’t a ticket to splurge.
B ollywood’s shouting ‘cut, cut, cut.’ The stars have cut fees and producers their budgets. Actor Sanjay Dutt, who was charging Rs 15 crore, is back to a more affordable Rs 4-5 crore. Sanjay Dutt Productions CEO Dharam Oberoi explained that the actor thought it would be “unfair to hike his prices at a time when the industry is struggling with recession”. John Abraham has reportedly cut his fee by 60% for his next film and director Pooja Bhatt has been asked by T-Series to trim the budget of her new film Kajra Re.
C ar drop has become drop car as some I-T companies in Hyderabad and Bangalore introduce buses to ferry workers around. Senior executives can’t hire luxury taxis and have to make do with Indicas.
D ivorce? Nah, it’s not worth it if your spouse doesn’t have any assets left to split. So discord or not, most couples are opting to stick it out, say marriage counsellors.
E xpats are getting the heave-ho. In lean times, most companies are baulking at the thought of huge wage payouts. Jet Airways has already let go many foreign pilots. MNCs such as Procter & Gamble and Marriot have also decided to cut down on expat assignments. “An expat costs three to five times more than a local,” says a senior official of an MNC.
F ood bills have shrunk as people share appetizers and skip dessert. The good news is that happy hours at bars have been extended.
G uest entertainment is out and company guesthouses are in. Don’t even think of wining and dining those clients and leaving the company to pick up the tab. Kiss goodbye to five-star hotels as companies set up guesthouses of their own.
H otel freebies have got the axe. So be prepared for no welcome drink, complimentary slippers, or mint on the pillow. Even the quality of toiletries is going to suffer.
I n-house entertainment budgets, which ranged between Rs 50 lakh and Rs 5 crore, have nose-dived, so family days and picnics are out. Serious times are here, especially for fun officers as many I-T companies have either retrenched or redeployed these interestingly titled members of staff.
J unk the snacks. Chai-nashta is now just chai as the free pizzas and sandwiches have disappeared at most BPOs. In a lighter vein, it’s good not just for the pocket but for waistlines.
K ids may have to wait. Worried about whether they will be able to provide for their children, some couples in the US have put off plans to start a family. Economists consider baby booms or busts a reliable indicator of a nation’s fortunes.
L unch boxes are enjoying an unlikely renaissance as the cash crunch bites. In the good times, packed lunches had become passe for executives, who found it easier to grab a bite near the office. But now, it’s tiffin time again. Good news for the dabbawalas!
M arriages are considered recession-proof in India but many couples are altering their route to the altar. Guest lists have been pruned and seven-course buffets are no longer the order of the day. Financial lows mean no high spirits as mocktails replace cocktails.
N o wasting power. Firms have announced curbs on air-conditioning and lights. That should make the green lobby happy.
O ff-site meetings are out. Deutsche Bank and Credit Suisse recently asked bankers to forgo meetings at swanky hotels and gather warmly around the office instead. That’s bargain bonding.
P arty’s over. What can be a bigger sign of hard times than parties being cancelled? Here, New Year and Christmas bashes are going to be low-key. And in Silicon Valley, even Internet giant Google Inc, known for throwing the most extravagant holiday season parties complete with sushi buffets and burlesque dancers, has decided to scale back celebrations.
Q uantum cuts in perks and salaries. Get ready to forgo your LTA and reimbursements for petrol and cellphones.
R omance and recession certainly don't go hand in hand. Expensive dates are out with lovebirds making do with a movie at the neighbourhood multiplex or worse still, a walk in the park.
S abbaticals are the less-painful option for companies that don’t want to retrench. Infosys is one of the companies giving employees this option. Those who’ve been with it for at least two years can take a sabbatical to work with an NGO. They'll be paid 50% of their Infosys salary and the rest will come in from the NGO.
T oilet paper is doing the disappearing act from many loos. The bottomline was obviously more important than bottoms for a leading Indian pharmaceutical company, which decided to do away with toilet paper at its Mumbai office.
U -turn on hiring is what companies are doing. According to a new report by global staffing company Manpower, India Inc's hiring plans in the first quarter of 2009 will be the lowest since 2005. A quarterly poll of 3,597 Indian firms across seven sectors showed that only 19% employers have recruitment plans.
V ideo conferencing has replaced travel in leading firms. Telephone usage is also down by encouraging VoIP (voice over internet protocol) applications such as Skype.
W eeks just got shorter. A host of companies such as Force Motors, Bharat Forge and ThyssenKrupp Industries have introduced the five-day week to reduce costs.
X erox machines are vanishing from the offices as firms like GM impose restrictions on the number of colour photocopies and printouts.
Y es, boss! That’s what you have to say when you're told to work longer hours and on weekends.
Z ero... the size of your bonus this year, that’s if you still have the job. SIGNS OF GLOBAL COOLING Smaller tips for hotel staff Fewer beauty salon visits Sex workers report fewer clients Hemlines go down Restaurants offer recession menus
Monday, December 8, 2008
When to have baby talk
When to have baby talk
Deciding whether to have a baby is the biggest decision you’ll ever make — and can determine the future of your relationship
Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour recently ended their relationship after six years, reportedly because she wants children and he doesn’t. The 49-year-old American Idol judge has never made a secret of his reluctance to get married and become a dad, saying he’s “married” to his job. And what may not have seemed so important in the beginning to Terri, 34, is likely to have taken on greater significance as the years passed.
When you have that vital chat will depend on your age, how you feel about your partner, how strongly you feel about the issue and how loudly your biological clock is ticking. But keeping track of each other’s views on the big issues from early on is vital for a healthy relationship. Research by relationship counselling charity Marriage Care shows that many couples don’t discuss major subjects like whether or not they want kids before they get married. So here’s what to consider before you throw out your contraception.
Your reasons
Having children may be one of the most natural things in the world but how healthy — and realistic — are your motives? Among the most selfish, and doomed, include a last-ditch attempt to save a failing relationship or a bid to gain lifelong love and security. Having a baby won’t guarantee either of these — and as for the first one, it’s likely to put the final nail in the coffin of any relationship that’s less than stable. Lack of sleep and the challenges of a new baby, especially if it’s your first, will put untold pressure on the strongest relationship. It’s also every child’s right to be born for its own sake — not to fulfil someone else’s selfish needs. If you’re simply doing it because it seems like the next logical step, there’s a fair chance you haven’t thought enough about parenthood and what it involves. Ironically, people who decide not to have children have probably given the subject more thought than those who do it just because it’s expected. The best and healthiest motivation for wanting a baby is that you and your partner want to express your love for each other and create a happy and secure environment for the new life you’re creating.
THE EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE
If you think your baby will fit in with your lifestyle — not the other way round — you need a serious reality check. Think about how every area of your life will be affected, from Saturday morning lie-ins and spur-of-the-moment nights out to spending power, holidays, jobs and earning prospects. The only way to get a true picture of how it’s likely to be is to spend time with friends or relatives who have kids. Ask them about the downs as well as ups and how they feel about their new lifestyle SHELF LIFE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP Do you love your partner and want to spend the foreseeable future with him — or is your biological clock getting louder and he’s in the right place at the right time? Is your partner fully committed to your relationship? Being a single parent is hard work physically, emotionally and financially. If you can already see your partnership isn’t up to scratch when you get pregnant, chances are quite high that you’ll end up a single mum. Consider how you’d cope and whether it’s fair to the baby to go ahead. Research shows that kids who have fathers around have higher chances of being healthier and happier.
THE BIG QUESTIONS
Have you discussed other big questions like your attitudes to education, discipline, religion and how you’d divide childcare? Think in advance about what problems may arise and how you’d deal with them. If your partner is a housework dodger, he may not be keen on pitching in with muckier jobs like nappy changing. Do you discuss things calmly and reach a compromise or do you scream and shout until one of you gives in for a quiet life? Learning to resolve smaller issues in a positive way now is a good start for dealing with major ones later.
IF YOU’RE ON THE SAME PAGE
If one of you wants a baby and the other doesn’t, don’t even think about going ahead. Not only will it undermine trust in your relationship, it’s unfair on the child and your partner. Children must be wanted by both parents. If you disagree on having kids and it’s becoming an issue, establish why. If, like Simon Cowell, your partner is adamant that he has other priorities, isn’t prepared to put in the time and effort needed, and won’t change his mind, he’s being honest and responsible. It’s then down to you to decide whether the desire for kids is more important to you than your relationship. However, if he’s not sure why, or it’s related to his own past family experiences, counselling may help work through his anxieties.
GOOD TIMING
Maybe you both want kids but can’t agree about when. Your partner may be keen to start now but you want to get that work promotion first. Or perhaps he’d like more money first and you’re worried about missing your opportunity to be a mum. There’s never a perfect time to have children, so avoid putting it off for too long. However, if one of you has a burning desire to do something else first — like working abroad or travelling — it may be better to get that out of your system if time allows.
YOUR BANK BALANCE
Kids are expensive. So sort out finances first. First, get rid of debts. Write down how much you spend on what and see how much you can economise. Work out how having a baby will affect your income and spending, and find out what help you’d be entitled to, such as maternity pay and other benefits. DAILY MIRROR
Deciding whether to have a baby is the biggest decision you’ll ever make — and can determine the future of your relationship
Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour recently ended their relationship after six years, reportedly because she wants children and he doesn’t. The 49-year-old American Idol judge has never made a secret of his reluctance to get married and become a dad, saying he’s “married” to his job. And what may not have seemed so important in the beginning to Terri, 34, is likely to have taken on greater significance as the years passed.
When you have that vital chat will depend on your age, how you feel about your partner, how strongly you feel about the issue and how loudly your biological clock is ticking. But keeping track of each other’s views on the big issues from early on is vital for a healthy relationship. Research by relationship counselling charity Marriage Care shows that many couples don’t discuss major subjects like whether or not they want kids before they get married. So here’s what to consider before you throw out your contraception.
Your reasons
Having children may be one of the most natural things in the world but how healthy — and realistic — are your motives? Among the most selfish, and doomed, include a last-ditch attempt to save a failing relationship or a bid to gain lifelong love and security. Having a baby won’t guarantee either of these — and as for the first one, it’s likely to put the final nail in the coffin of any relationship that’s less than stable. Lack of sleep and the challenges of a new baby, especially if it’s your first, will put untold pressure on the strongest relationship. It’s also every child’s right to be born for its own sake — not to fulfil someone else’s selfish needs. If you’re simply doing it because it seems like the next logical step, there’s a fair chance you haven’t thought enough about parenthood and what it involves. Ironically, people who decide not to have children have probably given the subject more thought than those who do it just because it’s expected. The best and healthiest motivation for wanting a baby is that you and your partner want to express your love for each other and create a happy and secure environment for the new life you’re creating.
THE EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE
If you think your baby will fit in with your lifestyle — not the other way round — you need a serious reality check. Think about how every area of your life will be affected, from Saturday morning lie-ins and spur-of-the-moment nights out to spending power, holidays, jobs and earning prospects. The only way to get a true picture of how it’s likely to be is to spend time with friends or relatives who have kids. Ask them about the downs as well as ups and how they feel about their new lifestyle SHELF LIFE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP Do you love your partner and want to spend the foreseeable future with him — or is your biological clock getting louder and he’s in the right place at the right time? Is your partner fully committed to your relationship? Being a single parent is hard work physically, emotionally and financially. If you can already see your partnership isn’t up to scratch when you get pregnant, chances are quite high that you’ll end up a single mum. Consider how you’d cope and whether it’s fair to the baby to go ahead. Research shows that kids who have fathers around have higher chances of being healthier and happier.
THE BIG QUESTIONS
Have you discussed other big questions like your attitudes to education, discipline, religion and how you’d divide childcare? Think in advance about what problems may arise and how you’d deal with them. If your partner is a housework dodger, he may not be keen on pitching in with muckier jobs like nappy changing. Do you discuss things calmly and reach a compromise or do you scream and shout until one of you gives in for a quiet life? Learning to resolve smaller issues in a positive way now is a good start for dealing with major ones later.
IF YOU’RE ON THE SAME PAGE
If one of you wants a baby and the other doesn’t, don’t even think about going ahead. Not only will it undermine trust in your relationship, it’s unfair on the child and your partner. Children must be wanted by both parents. If you disagree on having kids and it’s becoming an issue, establish why. If, like Simon Cowell, your partner is adamant that he has other priorities, isn’t prepared to put in the time and effort needed, and won’t change his mind, he’s being honest and responsible. It’s then down to you to decide whether the desire for kids is more important to you than your relationship. However, if he’s not sure why, or it’s related to his own past family experiences, counselling may help work through his anxieties.
GOOD TIMING
Maybe you both want kids but can’t agree about when. Your partner may be keen to start now but you want to get that work promotion first. Or perhaps he’d like more money first and you’re worried about missing your opportunity to be a mum. There’s never a perfect time to have children, so avoid putting it off for too long. However, if one of you has a burning desire to do something else first — like working abroad or travelling — it may be better to get that out of your system if time allows.
YOUR BANK BALANCE
Kids are expensive. So sort out finances first. First, get rid of debts. Write down how much you spend on what and see how much you can economise. Work out how having a baby will affect your income and spending, and find out what help you’d be entitled to, such as maternity pay and other benefits. DAILY MIRROR
THE 7 DEADLY MONEY SINS
THE 7 DEADLY MONEY SINS
Everyone has bad habits when it comes to finances, but you can overcome your sins with a bit of honesty and action
Most people have heard of the seven deadly sins — lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. But dealing with money comes with its own set of them, too. Committing them can take you from financial heaven to spending hell.
If money is a big problem for you, you’re not alone. A recent survey found that most adults aren’t getting enough sleep because of financial worries. “Money is one of the biggest causes of stress in our lives, after death and divorce,” explains Christine Thompson-Wells, a financial psychologist. But cash problems, no matter how big, can be dealt with and overcome. You just need to be honest with yourself about your spending sins and change your behaviour.
Here are Christine’s seven ways to turn yourself from a sinner into a saint...
SIN 1: DEBT DENIAL You have no idea how much you owe and you just keep spending. Ignoring a debt is behaving like a child who pulls a blanket over his/her face and thinks that you can’t see him/her. You think the problem will go away. Action: Face your debts, get out your credit card statements and loan agreements, and add up what you owe. If you don’t have enough money to pay these off then contact your creditors and tell them that you’re “putting a plan into place” and will pay off an amount each month. It’s important to maintain contact with creditors, otherwise you could trigger a visit from bailiffs and a repossession order for your home.
SIN 2: BUDGET BUSTING You never stick to your monthly budget, despite good intentions. You’re probably overspending each month due to using credit or debit cards which don’t feel like real money because you don’t see the cash. Action: Write down your monthly outgoings, your income and give yourself some spending money every week — rather than using cards. Put all this information on paper and make a contract with yourself to stick to this budget, sign it and date it. This contract sends a message to your subconscious that you’re taking action and will help change your behaviour.
SIN 3: OSTRICH SYNDROME Money problems make you switch off. You don’t want to acknowledge the issue. Usually in this situation it’s the partner who’s in debt or has the problem, not you the ostrich. You may be scared of saying something about your partner’s spending because it will cause an argument. Action: Calmly tell your partner you’re concerned, ask to go through the figures together and fix a budget. If your partner gets aggressive, suggest you visit a finance advisor together to work through the situation.
SIN 4: FLASH HARRY You insist on paying for friends when you go out. Ask yourself why you splash the cash. You could be suffering from low selfesteem and feel the only way to keep people interested in you is through spending and making yourself liked. Action: Stop spending and see if people are still interested in you. Real friends will like you for you and not your money. If you find it difficult to overcome this then add up how much you spend on other people a week. What else could you spend this on?
SIN 5: CHAMPAGNE LIFESTYLE, LEMONADE INCOME You have a lifestyle more suited to a celeb and you can’t afford it. Keeping up with the Joneses is very common. But problems arise when shopping takes over your life and you start to think you can live like a celeb. Overspending and keeping up an image will leave you with nothing. Action: The next step on from Flash Harry and you’re out of control. Eventually, your credit cards will be maxed out and bankruptcy might be your only option. To avoid this you need professional counselling.
SIN 6: THE DECEIVER Either you or your partner lie about how much you spend on particular items. We’ve all been guilty of this sin at some point. The usual scenario is buying something expensive and waiting for the right opportunity to bring it out saying: “ I’ve had it for ages.” Action: If it’s your hard-earned money, now and again you’ve got a right to treat yourself. But if you find yourself lying to your partner about money regularly, ask yourself why. Are there bigger issues in your relationship that you’re not facing up to?
SIN 7: MR AND MRS ANGRY You lose your temper when talking about money to people at call centres. Most people commit this sin now and again. The remoteness of the call centre makes you feel like you’re not in control. Then you don’t call back because you don’t want to deal with them. Action: When you’re calm, list your bank account problems. Go to see a branch account manager and ask how to resolve the issues. If you have to contact a call centre about a utility bill again, write down the points you wish to make. Have the paperwork in front of you, be prepared and be polite. If your problem isn’t being resolved, take their name and ask to speak to his/her supervisor, who will usually sort out the problem or pass it on to someone who can help. DAILY MIRROR
Everyone has bad habits when it comes to finances, but you can overcome your sins with a bit of honesty and action
Most people have heard of the seven deadly sins — lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. But dealing with money comes with its own set of them, too. Committing them can take you from financial heaven to spending hell.
If money is a big problem for you, you’re not alone. A recent survey found that most adults aren’t getting enough sleep because of financial worries. “Money is one of the biggest causes of stress in our lives, after death and divorce,” explains Christine Thompson-Wells, a financial psychologist. But cash problems, no matter how big, can be dealt with and overcome. You just need to be honest with yourself about your spending sins and change your behaviour.
Here are Christine’s seven ways to turn yourself from a sinner into a saint...
SIN 1: DEBT DENIAL You have no idea how much you owe and you just keep spending. Ignoring a debt is behaving like a child who pulls a blanket over his/her face and thinks that you can’t see him/her. You think the problem will go away. Action: Face your debts, get out your credit card statements and loan agreements, and add up what you owe. If you don’t have enough money to pay these off then contact your creditors and tell them that you’re “putting a plan into place” and will pay off an amount each month. It’s important to maintain contact with creditors, otherwise you could trigger a visit from bailiffs and a repossession order for your home.
SIN 2: BUDGET BUSTING You never stick to your monthly budget, despite good intentions. You’re probably overspending each month due to using credit or debit cards which don’t feel like real money because you don’t see the cash. Action: Write down your monthly outgoings, your income and give yourself some spending money every week — rather than using cards. Put all this information on paper and make a contract with yourself to stick to this budget, sign it and date it. This contract sends a message to your subconscious that you’re taking action and will help change your behaviour.
SIN 3: OSTRICH SYNDROME Money problems make you switch off. You don’t want to acknowledge the issue. Usually in this situation it’s the partner who’s in debt or has the problem, not you the ostrich. You may be scared of saying something about your partner’s spending because it will cause an argument. Action: Calmly tell your partner you’re concerned, ask to go through the figures together and fix a budget. If your partner gets aggressive, suggest you visit a finance advisor together to work through the situation.
SIN 4: FLASH HARRY You insist on paying for friends when you go out. Ask yourself why you splash the cash. You could be suffering from low selfesteem and feel the only way to keep people interested in you is through spending and making yourself liked. Action: Stop spending and see if people are still interested in you. Real friends will like you for you and not your money. If you find it difficult to overcome this then add up how much you spend on other people a week. What else could you spend this on?
SIN 5: CHAMPAGNE LIFESTYLE, LEMONADE INCOME You have a lifestyle more suited to a celeb and you can’t afford it. Keeping up with the Joneses is very common. But problems arise when shopping takes over your life and you start to think you can live like a celeb. Overspending and keeping up an image will leave you with nothing. Action: The next step on from Flash Harry and you’re out of control. Eventually, your credit cards will be maxed out and bankruptcy might be your only option. To avoid this you need professional counselling.
SIN 6: THE DECEIVER Either you or your partner lie about how much you spend on particular items. We’ve all been guilty of this sin at some point. The usual scenario is buying something expensive and waiting for the right opportunity to bring it out saying: “ I’ve had it for ages.” Action: If it’s your hard-earned money, now and again you’ve got a right to treat yourself. But if you find yourself lying to your partner about money regularly, ask yourself why. Are there bigger issues in your relationship that you’re not facing up to?
SIN 7: MR AND MRS ANGRY You lose your temper when talking about money to people at call centres. Most people commit this sin now and again. The remoteness of the call centre makes you feel like you’re not in control. Then you don’t call back because you don’t want to deal with them. Action: When you’re calm, list your bank account problems. Go to see a branch account manager and ask how to resolve the issues. If you have to contact a call centre about a utility bill again, write down the points you wish to make. Have the paperwork in front of you, be prepared and be polite. If your problem isn’t being resolved, take their name and ask to speak to his/her supervisor, who will usually sort out the problem or pass it on to someone who can help. DAILY MIRROR
Abbrvatd SMS tks too lng to undrstnd
Abbrvatd SMS tks too lng to undrstnd
Melbourne: Going through a heavily abbreviated SMS can take twice as long time and only saves the sender a few seconds of typing, says a new research. The study led by University of Tasmania psychology lecturer Dr Nenagh Kemp has shown that many common abbreviations were hard to be deciphered or was misinterpreted. She asked students to write as many abbreviations as possible in five minutes and then read a series of shortened messages.
The most common abbreviations were the easily understood 2, 4, c and u, while the difficult ones included ttyl (talk to you later), bbs (be back soon), pu (pick up) and cn (seeing you soon).
“Though it was quicker to write a message with abbreviations than conventional English, it took twice as long to read and many students made interpretation errors,” Kemp said. “These were second and third year students who use textisms all the time,” she added.
The study also showed that most people were inconsistent with their use of abbreviations, forgetting to shorten words. Moreover, it was increasingly used in formal documents. “People think they have to replace a “to” with a “2”, even though it takes just as long,” Kemp said.
The researchers suggest texters should limit their abbreviation use to friends. “People can pretty much understand these messages within their own community of friends because they develop a repertoire of abbreviations,” Kemp added. AGENCIES
Melbourne: Going through a heavily abbreviated SMS can take twice as long time and only saves the sender a few seconds of typing, says a new research. The study led by University of Tasmania psychology lecturer Dr Nenagh Kemp has shown that many common abbreviations were hard to be deciphered or was misinterpreted. She asked students to write as many abbreviations as possible in five minutes and then read a series of shortened messages.
The most common abbreviations were the easily understood 2, 4, c and u, while the difficult ones included ttyl (talk to you later), bbs (be back soon), pu (pick up) and cn (seeing you soon).
“Though it was quicker to write a message with abbreviations than conventional English, it took twice as long to read and many students made interpretation errors,” Kemp said. “These were second and third year students who use textisms all the time,” she added.
The study also showed that most people were inconsistent with their use of abbreviations, forgetting to shorten words. Moreover, it was increasingly used in formal documents. “People think they have to replace a “to” with a “2”, even though it takes just as long,” Kemp said.
The researchers suggest texters should limit their abbreviation use to friends. “People can pretty much understand these messages within their own community of friends because they develop a repertoire of abbreviations,” Kemp added. AGENCIES
Ripening with age: women feel they are sexiest at 34
Ripening with age: women feel they are sexiest at 34
London: Being sexy is often perceived to be a key essence of femininity. And, now a new study has found that women feel most sexy at the age of 34. Researchers have based their findings on a survey of over 1,000 women who were questioned about their sex lives — the majority of respondents said that it was at the age of 34 when they had felt more sexy.
The survey also revealed that middle-aged women have half as much sex as they did when they were younger — in fact the researchers found that that on average women aged 45 to 60 have sex 4.5 times a month, compared to 10.4 times a month in their 20s and 30s.
However, 56% of the respondents said they enjoyed it now more than they did when they were younger, British newspaper the Daily Telegraph reported. Sex and relationship advisor Dr Catherine Hood said: “Many of us make the assumption that older people have less sex than the young, and this research appears to confirm this.
However, it does show that women are still enjoying great sex lives as they get older. “Women’s sexual needs, libido and lifestyle change over time, but there is absolutely no reason why older women can’t enjoy an extremely fulfiling sex life in their middle age and well into their senior years.
“The fact that over half of those quizzed said they had better sex now than in their 20s and 30s suggests that these women are more confident and self-assured than they were in their younger days and aren’t afraid of getting what they want.” The research commissioned by moisturiser brand Astral questioned 1,031 women about their sex lives. AGENCIES
London: Being sexy is often perceived to be a key essence of femininity. And, now a new study has found that women feel most sexy at the age of 34. Researchers have based their findings on a survey of over 1,000 women who were questioned about their sex lives — the majority of respondents said that it was at the age of 34 when they had felt more sexy.
The survey also revealed that middle-aged women have half as much sex as they did when they were younger — in fact the researchers found that that on average women aged 45 to 60 have sex 4.5 times a month, compared to 10.4 times a month in their 20s and 30s.
However, 56% of the respondents said they enjoyed it now more than they did when they were younger, British newspaper the Daily Telegraph reported. Sex and relationship advisor Dr Catherine Hood said: “Many of us make the assumption that older people have less sex than the young, and this research appears to confirm this.
However, it does show that women are still enjoying great sex lives as they get older. “Women’s sexual needs, libido and lifestyle change over time, but there is absolutely no reason why older women can’t enjoy an extremely fulfiling sex life in their middle age and well into their senior years.
“The fact that over half of those quizzed said they had better sex now than in their 20s and 30s suggests that these women are more confident and self-assured than they were in their younger days and aren’t afraid of getting what they want.” The research commissioned by moisturiser brand Astral questioned 1,031 women about their sex lives. AGENCIES
Procrastination
Now, a formula tells us why we put off tasks
London: Can’t get round to finishing a job in one go? Well, don’t worry, for researchers have devised a formula for procrastinators to help them know how much chance they have of overcoming their flaws. According to a new book, which contains the mathematical equation, procrastination is becoming a problem, courtesy computer games and personal organisers which provide endless opportunities for distraction and rescheduling.
Piers Steel, the author of the book and a business professor at Calgary University in Canada, has pulled together hundreds of studies on the art of delay. He believes that the two contradictory views commonly held about procrastinators — that they are either extra-careful or bone idle — are both wrong. Instead, they have a vice all their own. According to Steel, chronic procrastinators are more impulsive and erratic than other people and less conscientious about attention to detail and obligations to others.
According to Steel, procrastinators believe they can complete a task and also care about it. Lazy people, by contrast, are not bothered whether they can finish the job — they just do not want to do it. Both can come up with excuses such as a dog eating the homework. Steel subsequently formed an equation for why people procrastinate.
The equation is U=EV/ID.
The ‘U’ stands for utility, or the desire to complete a given task.
It is equal to the product of E, the expectation of success, and V the value of completion, divided by the product of I, the immediacy of the task, and D, the personal sensitivity to delay.
The researcher says procrastination is becoming a bigger issue because many more jobs are “self-structured”, with people setting their own schedules. AGENCIES
London: Can’t get round to finishing a job in one go? Well, don’t worry, for researchers have devised a formula for procrastinators to help them know how much chance they have of overcoming their flaws. According to a new book, which contains the mathematical equation, procrastination is becoming a problem, courtesy computer games and personal organisers which provide endless opportunities for distraction and rescheduling.
Piers Steel, the author of the book and a business professor at Calgary University in Canada, has pulled together hundreds of studies on the art of delay. He believes that the two contradictory views commonly held about procrastinators — that they are either extra-careful or bone idle — are both wrong. Instead, they have a vice all their own. According to Steel, chronic procrastinators are more impulsive and erratic than other people and less conscientious about attention to detail and obligations to others.
According to Steel, procrastinators believe they can complete a task and also care about it. Lazy people, by contrast, are not bothered whether they can finish the job — they just do not want to do it. Both can come up with excuses such as a dog eating the homework. Steel subsequently formed an equation for why people procrastinate.
The equation is U=EV/ID.
The ‘U’ stands for utility, or the desire to complete a given task.
It is equal to the product of E, the expectation of success, and V the value of completion, divided by the product of I, the immediacy of the task, and D, the personal sensitivity to delay.
The researcher says procrastination is becoming a bigger issue because many more jobs are “self-structured”, with people setting their own schedules. AGENCIES
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